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6 Ways to Stop Feeling Frumpy and Start Feeling Like Yourself Again

How to Stop Feeling Frumpy and Regain Your Confidence

We often use “frumpy” to describe how someone looks, but frumpy is actually a feeling—one that eventually manifests in how we present ourselves.

At some point, we’ve all felt frumpy. Maybe it’s just a bad day, maybe it lasts a few weeks, or maybe you can’t even remember the last time you didn’t feel frumpy.

When I turned 40, I stopped caring so much about what other people thought of me -maybe a little too much. If you caught me at Target looking like a bridge troll, I genuinely didn’t care.

But too many days in a row of not caring started to affect my mental health.

I found myself stuck in a cycle—wearing the same sweatpants, throwing my hair in a messy bun, feeling frustrated with my reflection.

It wasn’t just about looking unpolished; it was about how that neglect reinforced the disconnection I felt from myself. I had always known that how we present ourselves physically impacts how we feel inside, but this experience cemented that truth for me. I wasn’t just feeling frumpy—I was feeling lost, unmotivated, and detached from my own well-being.

Taking care of myself physically was the first step I needed to start caring for my mental health. It wasn’t about vanity; it was about restoring a sense of self-worth and agency.

Putting effort into my appearance, even in small ways, helped shift my mindset. A fresh manicure, a great outfit, or even just brushing my hair signaled to my brain that I was showing up for myself again. And that simple act had a ripple effect on my confidence, my mood, and my overall well-being.

The good news?

Small, intentional changes can pull you out of the frump—without extreme dieting, waking up at 4 a.m. to meditate, or spending a fortune. Here are eight simple but effective ways to refresh your look and your confidence.

1. Upgrade Your Underwear

Upgrade Your Underwear
See our top-rated underwear picks here.

The Right Undergarments Change Everything

Your underwear is the foundation of your outfit, and the wrong ones can ruin a look. There are three essential roles underwear plays:

  1. Support – The right fit provides lift and enhances your natural shape.
  2. Structure – Helps clothing fit and drape properly.
  3. Confidence – Wearing high-quality, well-fitting undergarments makes you feel put together.

Here’s what to do:

Get Fitted for a Bra

If you’ve had a baby, breastfed, gained or lost weight, or are going through menopause, your bra size has likely changed. A professional fitting at a boutique or department store can transform how your clothes fit and how you feel in them.

Pro tip: Replace your everyday bras every 12-18 months for the best support. Nordstrom has a great service with trained staff that help you find the best fit for you, or, go local, lots of town have speciality stores with tons of options and equally great staff.

Invest in Comfortable Shapewear

Shapewear isn’t about restriction—it’s about smoothing and enhancing your natural shape. Find lightweight options that help your clothes fit better without feeling constricting.

Ditch the Worn-Out Undies

If your underwear has stretched-out elastic, faded fabric, or just doesn’t make you feel good, replace it. Choose comfortable, full-coverage styles that make you feel confident and feminine.

👉 See our top-rated underwear picks here.

2. Pay Attention to Fit and Details

Two key factors make an outfit look frumpy:

  1. Wearing clothes that are too big
  2. Wearing outdated styles, especially in cheap prints

Find the Right Fit

Many of us instinctively hide areas we’re self-conscious about by wearing oversized clothes. But this can actually make you look bigger and less polished. Instead, opt for tailored pieces that highlight your best features.

Edit Out Bad Prints

Prints can be beautiful, but many affordable options feature outdated or unflattering patterns. Instead of buying something just to have “something to wear,” look for prints that feel like art—ones that make you feel excited to wear them.

3. Dress with the Intention

I have a friend who gets fully dressed every morning—before her kids wake up, before she tackles her day. She swears by this habit, and she always looks effortlessly put together.

I started doing the same, even if it’s just swapping sweatpants for a matching lounge set or casual dress. Laying out your outfit the night before removes the stress of decision-making in the morning.

Try it:

  • Pick an outfit the night before, even if it’s a simple but coordinated look.
  • Choose one elevated piece—a structured blazer, polished jeans, or a cute sneaker—to instantly upgrade your look.

4. Create an Everyday Jewelry Capsule

Everyday Jewelry Capsule
How to Create a Classic Jewelry Capsule

Jewelry has the power to elevate even the most basic outfit. A simple tee and jeans look instantly polished with the right accessories.

How to Build a Jewelry Capsule:

  • Gather your go-to hoops, studs, and delicate necklaces.
  • Display them on a small tray for easy access.
  • Wear your quality pieces daily—life’s too short to save them for special occasions!
  • Slowly add in investment pieces over time.

👉 Shop our favorite everyday jewelry pieces.

5. Prioritize Skincare and Grooming

Consistent Skincare = Instant Glow

If you’ve let your skincare routine slide, now is the time to get back to it. Consistency is key!

  • Use a good moisturizer morning and night.
  • Apply SPF daily (yes, even in winter!).
  • Drink tons of water to keep skin hydrated.
  • Add a glow serum for a radiant finish.

👉 Read: How to Start Skin Cycling for Better Results.

The Power of Grooming

How to give yourself a salon manicure at home

Small grooming habits make a huge difference:

  • Keep nails manicured (even a clear coat makes hands look polished).
  • Shape your eyebrows to frame your face.
  • Use a brow pencil or gel to define and lift your look.

👉 Shop our go-to eyebrow and nail products.

Boost Your Confidence with a Faux Glow

Fake a Tan | How to Not Feel Frumpy

She’s happier with a tan.

I know this isn’t for everyone, but as someone who is pasty white—not in a chic, Nicole Kidman alabaster way, but in a way that just makes me look washed out—I feel so much better and more alive with a little color. A good spray tan or quality self-tanner instantly enhances my complexion and gives me that fresh, just-back-from-vacation glow.

I swear by Loving Tan for at-home tanning and St. Tropez One Night Only for a temporary boost that washes off in the shower. And honestly, it’s crazy how mad people get when I mention this—it’s just a tan!

👉 See our top sunless tanning recommendations.

6. Take Care of Your Mental Health (Maybe the Hardest, but Most Important)

Feeling frumpy often starts from within. Take time for self-care beyond your physical appearance:

  • Set boundaries and say no to things that drain you.
  • Make time for activities that bring you joy, like reading or walking.
  • Surround yourself with supportive, positive people.
  • Seek therapy or counseling if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

A strong, healthy mindset will naturally help you feel more confident and radiant every day.

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 Join Megan Kristel for a comprehensive, 3 hour long, LIVE Virtual Workshop sharing personal style and shopping tips for women over 40 on March 31, 2023.

MEET THE AUTHOR

Megan Kristel

Megan Kristel is an entrepreneur, working mom, and former personal stylist. Tired of the one-dimensional portrayal of women online, she founded The Well Dressed Life as a resource for other professional women.

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Arleen

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Well, if this wasn't just the most perfectly timed message! I have been decluttering my closet, FINALLY getting rid of everything that doesn't fit, and more importantly, items I don't love. Starting to think all I'll have left are scrubs for Mon-Fri. Thank you for the encouragement and direction!

Stephanie

Thursday 6th of July 2023

I love your daily bits of inspiration, but today's post is really great! I so relate to the comment regarding prints. Find myself looking critically at some past choices and realizing they are not helping me present myself in the best light. This is especially true when I purchase online. More recently I've been choosing basics in solid colors, and only purchasing prints that I really love!

Thanks again.

Averilfenton

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Thank you so much! I really needed this. I’m going through a rough time and here I am mid afternoon, sitting in my PJs and noting that I really need to shave my legs. You gave me a real boost. I’m going to have a bath and do some self care. Please keep it coming.

Lisha

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Meg, thank you for these little pearls of fashion wisdom. The results are sure to bring about joy. ❤️

Pura

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Yes! I was taught all of these and they have served me well through out the years. But I was especially surprised (in a happy way) to see you address undergarments first. When we were young my mother taught us that undergarments could make or break our day. She insisted they could make us feel powerful and beautiful even if no one else could see them. And this has been my experience throughout life. She insisted that at least once a year we go through our undergarment and pajama drawers and discard anything that was torn, stained or in any other way damaged. I still do it today and it makes a world of difference in how my clothes fit and on how I feel. Thank you for a very helpful article.

Jane

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Love your posts Megan! They’re so well thought out and different. You really give me new things to think about. Really appreciate the work you put into it all. Thank you!

Tina

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Thanks so much! As we get older and have less social occasions, it is so easy to get into frump mode. Great post!

Megan Kristel

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Thanks, Tina!

Patti

Thursday 6th of July 2023

I relate to every part of this, including the spiral from pjs all day to bridge troll to frumpy. Thanks for the pick-me-up and reminders!

Megan Kristel

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Such a slippery slope for me too!

Marilyn

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Thank you for these wonderful suggestions. I am a full figure that lives in a very rural area. We don't have stores that measure for bras. I do alot of online ordering. I don't feel my current bras do me any favors. How do I know if I'm wearing the right kind, size, etc.? What do you suggest?

Megan Kristel

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Third Love is a fantastic brand and their website walks you through how to find your size and if you're in the wrong one easily :)

Jenny

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Megan, Thank you for this post and reminder! I love all of your posts and information, but this one hit home for me today!

Megan Kristel

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Thank you! I'm so glad it was helpful :)

Jeanne

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Megan - you have posted a lot of great things - but this has to be in the top 3 best!! thanks for the little kick in the behind AND viable suggestions to go with it!! 🥰

Megan Kristel

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Awww, this is really nice thanks!

Alice

Thursday 6th of July 2023

This is one of the best posts. So many reminders, especially dressing with intention daily, help me (and others) feel less frumpy and have a more positive self image! Thank you!

Hope

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Great post. So many great suggestions. I saw an Oprah show years ago where she did makeovers of housewives and she said many of the same things- you don’t have to look frumpy just because you are a stay at home mom/retired/housewife! Don’t go to the grocery store looking like you just rolled out of bed! Don’t wear ovesized baggy sweats outside the house! That show stuck in my mind and I have always used it to motivate myself to take a glance in the mirror before I head out the door and make sure I look like I care about myself. Your post is another I can refer badk to for inspiration!

Terri

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Where are your earrings from? In the first photo? They’re fun looking for and very different.

Megan Kristel

Thursday 6th of July 2023

Hey Terri, here is the link to them in our Amazon store. Only $10!

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