6 Ways to Stop Feeling Frumpy and Start Feeling Like Yourself Again
We often use “frumpy” to describe how someone looks, but frumpy is actually a feeling—one that eventually manifests in how we present ourselves.
At some point, we’ve all felt frumpy. Maybe it’s just a bad day, maybe it lasts a few weeks, or maybe you can’t even remember the last time you didn’t feel frumpy.
When I turned 40, I stopped caring so much about what other people thought of me -maybe a little too much. If you caught me at Target looking like a bridge troll, I genuinely didn’t care.
But too many days in a row of not caring started to affect my mental health.
How Stop Feeling Frumpy and Regain Your Confidence
I found myself stuck in a cycle—wearing the same sweatpants, throwing my hair in a messy bun, feeling frustrated with my reflection.
It wasn’t just about looking unpolished; it was about how that neglect reinforced the disconnection I felt from myself. I had always known that how we present ourselves physically impacts how we feel inside, but this experience cemented that truth for me. I wasn’t just feeling frumpy—I was feeling lost, unmotivated, and detached from my own well-being.
Taking care of myself physically was the first step I needed to start caring for my mental health. It wasn’t about vanity; it was about restoring a sense of self-worth and agency.
Putting effort into my appearance, even in small ways, helped shift my mindset. A fresh manicure, a great outfit, or even just brushing my hair signaled to my brain that I was showing up for myself again. And that simple act had a ripple effect on my confidence, my mood, and my overall well-being.
The good news?
Small, intentional changes can pull you out of the frump—without extreme dieting, waking up at 4 a.m. to meditate, or spending a fortune. Here are eight simple but effective ways to refresh your look and your confidence.
1. Upgrade Your Underwear
The Right Undergarments Change Everything
Your underwear is the foundation of your outfit, and the wrong ones can ruin a look. There are three essential roles underwear plays:
- Support – The right fit provides lift and enhances your natural shape.
- Structure – Helps clothing fit and drape properly.
- Confidence – Wearing high-quality, well-fitting undergarments makes you feel put together.
Here’s what to do:
Get Fitted for a Bra
If you’ve had a baby, breastfed, gained or lost weight, or are going through menopause, your bra size has likely changed. A professional fitting at a boutique or department store can transform how your clothes fit and how you feel in them.
Pro tip: Replace your everyday bras every 12-18 months for the best support. Nordstrom has a great service with trained staff that help you find the best fit for you, or, go local, lots of town have speciality stores with tons of options and equally great staff.
Invest in Comfortable Shapewear
Shapewear isn’t about restriction—it’s about smoothing and enhancing your natural shape. Find lightweight options that help your clothes fit better without feeling constricting.
Ditch the Worn-Out Undies
If your underwear has stretched-out elastic, faded fabric, or just doesn’t make you feel good, replace it. Choose comfortable, full-coverage styles that make you feel confident and feminine.
👉 See our top-rated underwear picks here.
2. Pay Attention to Fit and Details
Two key factors make an outfit look frumpy:
- Wearing clothes that are too big
- Wearing outdated styles, especially in cheap prints
Find the Right Fit
Many of us instinctively hide areas we’re self-conscious about by wearing oversized clothes. But this can actually make you look bigger and less polished. Instead, opt for tailored pieces that highlight your best features.
Edit Out Bad Prints
Prints can be beautiful, but many affordable options feature outdated or unflattering patterns. Instead of buying something just to have “something to wear,” look for prints that feel like art—ones that make you feel excited to wear them.
3. Dress with the Intention
I have a friend who gets fully dressed every morning—before her kids wake up, before she tackles her day. She swears by this habit, and she always looks effortlessly put together.
I started doing the same, even if it’s just swapping sweatpants for a matching lounge set or casual dress. Laying out your outfit the night before removes the stress of decision-making in the morning.
Try it:
- Pick an outfit the night before, even if it’s a simple but coordinated look.
- Choose one elevated piece—a structured blazer, polished jeans, or a cute sneaker—to instantly upgrade your look.
4. Create an Everyday Jewelry Capsule
Jewelry has the power to elevate even the most basic outfit. A simple tee and jeans look instantly polished with the right accessories.
How to Build a Jewelry Capsule:
- Gather your go-to hoops, studs, and delicate necklaces.
- Display them on a small tray for easy access.
- Wear your quality pieces daily—life’s too short to save them for special occasions!
- Slowly add in investment pieces over time.
👉 Shop our favorite everyday jewelry pieces.
5. Prioritize Skincare and Grooming
Consistent Skincare = Instant Glow
If you’ve let your skincare routine slide, now is the time to get back to it. Consistency is key!
- Use a good moisturizer morning and night.
- Apply SPF daily (yes, even in winter!).
- Drink tons of water to keep skin hydrated.
- Add a glow serum for a radiant finish.
👉 Read: How to Start Skin Cycling for Better Results.
The Power of Grooming
Small grooming habits make a huge difference:
- Keep nails manicured (even a clear coat makes hands look polished).
- Shape your eyebrows to frame your face.
- Use a brow pencil or gel to define and lift your look.
👉 Shop our go-to eyebrow and nail products.
Boost Your Confidence with a Faux Glow
She’s happier with a tan.
I know this isn’t for everyone, but as someone who is pasty white—not in a chic, Nicole Kidman alabaster way, but in a way that just makes me look washed out—I feel so much better and more alive with a little color. A good spray tan or quality self-tanner instantly enhances my complexion and gives me that fresh, just-back-from-vacation glow.
I swear by Loving Tan for at-home tanning and St. Tropez One Night Only for a temporary boost that washes off in the shower. And honestly, it’s crazy how mad people get when I mention this—it’s just a tan!
👉 See our top sunless tanning recommendations.
6. Take Care of Your Mental Health (Maybe the Hardest, but Most Important)
Feeling frumpy often starts from within. Take time for self-care beyond your physical appearance:
- Set boundaries and say no to things that drain you.
- Make time for activities that bring you joy, like reading or walking.
- Surround yourself with supportive, positive people.
- Seek therapy or counseling if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
A strong, healthy mindset will naturally help you feel more confident and radiant every day.
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Where are your earrings from? In the first photo? They’re fun looking for and very different.
Hey Terri, here is the link to them in our Amazon store. Only $10!
Great post. So many great suggestions. I saw an Oprah show years ago where she did makeovers of housewives and she said many of the same things- you don’t have to look frumpy just because you are a stay at home mom/retired/housewife! Don’t go to the grocery store looking like you just rolled out of bed! Don’t wear ovesized baggy sweats outside the house! That show stuck in my mind and I have always used it to motivate myself to take a glance in the mirror before I head out the door and make sure I look like I care about myself. Your post is another I can refer badk to for inspiration!
This is one of the best posts. So many reminders, especially dressing with intention daily, help me (and others) feel less frumpy and have a more positive self image! Thank you!
Megan – you have posted a lot of great things – but this has to be in the top 3 best!! thanks for the little kick in the behind AND viable suggestions to go with it!! 🥰
Awww, this is really nice thanks!
Megan, Thank you for this post and reminder! I love all of your posts and information, but this one hit home for me today!
Thank you! I’m so glad it was helpful 🙂
Thank you for these wonderful suggestions. I am a full figure that lives in a very rural area. We don’t have stores that measure for bras. I do alot of online ordering. I don’t feel my current bras do me any favors. How do I know if I’m wearing the right kind, size, etc.? What do you suggest?
Third Love is a fantastic brand and their website walks you through how to find your size and if you’re in the wrong one easily 🙂
I relate to every part of this, including the spiral from pjs all day to bridge troll to frumpy. Thanks for the pick-me-up and reminders!
Such a slippery slope for me too!
Thanks so much! As we get older and have less social occasions, it is so easy to get into frump mode.
Great post!
Thanks, Tina!
Love your posts Megan! They’re so well thought out and different. You really give me new things to think about. Really appreciate the work you put into it all. Thank you!
Yes! I was taught all of these and they have served me well through out the years. But I was especially surprised (in a happy way) to see you address undergarments first. When we were young my mother taught us that undergarments could make or break our day. She insisted they could make us feel powerful and beautiful even if no one else could see them. And this has been my experience throughout life. She insisted that at least once a year we go through our undergarment and pajama drawers and discard anything that was torn, stained or in any other way damaged. I still do it today and it makes a world of difference in how my clothes fit and on how I feel. Thank you for a very helpful article.
Meg, thank you for these little pearls of fashion wisdom. The results are sure to bring about joy. ❤️
Thank you so much! I really needed this. I’m going through a rough time and here I am mid afternoon, sitting in my PJs and noting that I really need to shave my legs. You gave me a real boost. I’m going to have a bath and do some self care. Please keep it coming.
I love your daily bits of inspiration, but today’s post is really great! I so relate to the comment regarding prints. Find myself looking critically at some past choices and realizing they are not helping me present myself in the best light. This is especially true when I purchase online. More recently I’ve been choosing basics in solid colors, and only purchasing prints that I really love!
Thanks again.
Well, if this wasn’t just the most perfectly timed message! I have been decluttering my closet, FINALLY getting rid of everything that doesn’t fit, and more importantly, items I don’t love. Starting to think all I’ll have left are scrubs for Mon-Fri. Thank you for the encouragement and direction!
Yep, summer break is halfway over and I desperately needed to be reminded to take care of myself BEFORE I go back and take care of 7th graders in the Fall. Thank you for this!
I recently started dressing with intention for my 5:30am dog walk. It’s simple: black sneakers/leggings and white T-shirt/cap or hoodie with matching cap. How I start the day impacts the rest of my day. Thanks for the tips and the reminder that we are all worth the tiny bit of effort that has a big pay off!
Your information is so important to aging women. I am 70 and enjoy your “telling it like it is.”
Dressing with intention has helped to motivate me to wake up to enjoy my day earlier, and not stay in my jams until I decide to head out. Thank you!
Loved this article!! I had been feeling down just about how I looked and what clothes I wear and of course my hair!!! But after reading this I realized that I can get back on track and feel good again! I also definitely need new bras!!! Thanks so much!!!
Megan, I love seeing you posting more photos of you wearing these pieces. You look so polished and pulled together. More importantly you look confident!
This is a great article. You touched on some important tips and I think we all need to hear this to some degree. I just spent two days at a popular theme park with my our two teenagers and logged in almost 18k steps in hot, sunny weather. But I didn’t feel grumpy because I packed athleta skorts, drifit golf polo tops and cute sun hats with my lululemon belt bag dupe you recommended -all of these pieces were recommended or inspired by posts you have written over the last couple of years. These helped me feel put together (along with a travel sized can of spray deodorant and a small portable fan) as we waited in line or hiked the park.
The rest of my vacation uniform also came from your recommendations-thr linen drawstring shorts, girlfriend tee’s and either a white sneaker or a chic flat sandal. Thank you for what you do! I know you make sacrifices and have struggles and challenges but you are such a blessing to all of your readers!
Loved and needed this posting! I often think of myself as frumpy (thought that was just a southern word!) and so appreciate your insight as well as guidance to move out of the “frumps”
Thanks for all of your effort!
Love this post! One thing though, yes, embrace the color of your skin. Radioactive = porcelain.
I appreciate the comment, but I don’t have porcelain skin, I have pasty, fair skin that shows every lump, vein and bruise I’ve ever had in my life. A subtle spray tan makes me feel confident and shows off the little tone I kill myself to have at the gym. So, respectfully, I’m not embracing it, just like I’m not embracing my gray hair, I’m covering them up at the salon. Let’s let women do what they need to feel confident and happy without the low key shaming.
Hi, Megan, I love this! Approx 2 years ago, I realized that when I went for my walk, I was frumpy: old-pathetic shoes that looked like I was bandaged, lol… etc. & THEN, I made a decision to look GREAT every day! WOW! Talk about feeling awesome! I also made sure I wore make-up everyday (not quite ready for eyebrows yet though; have never used brow pencil, blonde eyebrows, never plucked…) A friend gave me eyebrow stuff that I can try & I put it on one day… & then immediately wanted to wash it off… I hear you though… I LOVE your style & how u encourage us! Your site is awesome! I learn sooo much! Thank you, thank you! xo
Megan, thank you so much for this post, as it deeply speaks to me. I’m in a huge rut, since being diagnosed with dysautonomia and plantar fasciitis this last year, meaning I have to wear compression pants/legging/capris and arch support shoes (wide width on top of that!). I’m an elementary school teacher and as of late my daily outfits in this very hot NM summer are leggings, an oversized tunic and Birkenstocks or compression pantyhose with a dress and Birkenstocks. I would love if anyone had any recommendations/suggestions on what else I can wear or combinations that would work. Thank you!!
Hi Megan, thanks SO much for your article, which was perfectly timed, as usual! I’ve been very fortunate to have been buying homewares for a partial home makeover these past few months and had really lost sight of myself. So have already ordered and received some nude Hanky Panky pants which are FAB, I’ve got a couple of different sizes of nude Wacoal bras coming in the post, I’ve edited out a not-great print dress and a faded long sleeved tee and upgraded them to ones which are more flattering and dare I say it… edgy?!! I’ve also been through my NYDJ jeans collection to see which ones actually fit and flatter, worked out I need more stretch and less cotton and have bought a couple of new pairs and I’ve taken a few pieces of jewellery to my local charity shop but gifted one of the pieces to a (much younger) girlfriend who was honestly thrilled! I’ve even started (yesterday) to be more organised and have started to skin cycle… I had the products but wasn’t using them in a structured way. You really are the best motivator… I’m doing it for me and feel so much better, having only read your article 2 days ago. You’re The Best x
Great article. Self-care means so much more than meditation or taking deep, relaxing breaths. There are so many ways to implement self-care into our everyday actions. Your article highlights this fact and provides easy ways to do so. Thank you for sharing!