The Year I Burnt It to The Ground
Today’s conversation is the most personal thing I’ve shared in all my years talking to you. And maybe I’m nuts, I’m sure I am, but this is on my heart, and someone might benefit from it.
My husband jokingly refers to 2022 as “the year Meg burnt it to the ground.”
I think of it as the year I let go, but he’s right. I set things on fire this year to reset and reclaim my life.
So, as you start to think about the New Year, if you’re feeling the pull to make a radical change, let this note be the thing that moves you forward.
Consider this your sign.
Because this time last year, I was in a spiral, and today, I can say with all sincerity that I have never been happier or more at peace.
And, listen, I’m no expert.
I’m just a 43-year-old woman who woke up one day 12 months ago sick of everyone’s shit, including her own.
Related: The 12 Amazon Wellness Products that Made My Year Better
Only a few people know that for the last two years, my life was filled with tremendous personal turmoil.
I’m fine, and my husband and children are wonderful, happy, healthy, thank God.
But I spent 2021 utterly heartbroken.
I realized I couldn’t live in grief and bottled-up anger anymore when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on Christmas morning.
Was this the mom my girls were waking up to?
I guess I thought I was hiding the pain better, but there it was, all over my face, and I was done.
So, I committed to healing myself from the inside out as we started the new year.
Let me tell you; it’s everything they say it is: messy, at times lonely, and very humbling. But it’s also the best thing I ever did for myself.
I quickly learned that living in dysfunction is a lot easier than living in the process of removing yourself from it. Only when you’re out of the crazy do you understand just how crazy it was.
But I would do it all over again for what I gained, how I’ve grown, and how my life has improved.
When I say I did everything I could to feel better, I mean it.
I didn’t know where to start, so I began exercising regularly and eating well. That was the easiest step, which wasn’t easy at all.
I also limited drinking, started meditating, tried hot yoga, turned off the news, and listened to inspiring podcasts instead, where I tried to learn as much as I could about trauma healing and inner child work.
Then, I created a healthy morning and evening routine. I wrote in a gratitude journal, took all the vitamins, and drank all the green juice.
And because I take everything to the extreme, I bought crystals; I saged my house, found a spiritual healer, and started to have regular fire-cupping sessions.
Yes, you read that right. I told you I did everything. I threw the kitchen sink at it.
The hard part, the spiritual healing part, changing my inner dialog, learning painful lessons, and forgiving myself in the process is a challenge.
I’m still working on this, but I’m eons from where I started.
I didn’t do it all at once; instead, it was like serendipitous baby steps that took the entire year.
A walk turned into a run.
A friend mentioned a friend who had cupping done.
A yoga studio opened up down the street, and I tried it.
It wasn’t overwhelming; quite the opposite.
It was invigorating!
I just decided to say yes to whatever came my way. I can do anything once, I thought.
Whenever I saw my strength improve or woke up clear-minded, it felt like a tiny victory. I would hear myself say, look at you!
And that kept me willing and open to trying and adding more.
Don’t get me wrong; there were plenty of messy days. I cried a lot. I second-guessed myself.
Working out in your 40s is different from in your 30s. You’re constantly sore and tired; you have to wake up at an unholy hour, and it stinks.
Healing your soul is a whole other thing that takes a different toll. You need rest. You have to go to bed early or take a nap. You need to be gentle with yourself.
And this all led to evaluating my relationships and intentionally pulling away from people I probably should have walked away from years ago. I was as ruthless as I am with a pair of capris in your closet. Toss, toss, toss.
But by burning it all down, new sprigs of life started to pop up.
I finally had the strength to not only close the chapter on numerous unhealthy relationships but also to start to release my anger. Again, I’m not there, but I’m working on it.
And as I did, peace covered my home like a warm blanket, and all the drama disappeared.
Old and new friendships emerged as if by magic, and all my relationships, for the first time in my life, feel safe.
And what is incredible is that all the internal remodeling left space for me.
- For me to hear my voice and let it guide my thoughts and decisions.
- For me to understand the difference between my anxiety and my intuition.
- For me to consciously choose to be the woman, the mother, the wife, the daughter, and the friend I know I’m supposed to be.
- For me to build my business with integrity and make choices in alignment with my mission.
I regularly hear from women in our community who are also struggling. That might seem odd coming from a site about clothes and makeup. But our seemingly frivolous topics can catalyze bigger conversations around being a woman in this season of life.
Maybe this message inspires you to walk with your neighbor and get fresh air or call your doctor to check your hormones.
Maybe you start a gratitude journal or take that multivitamin sitting in your pantry.
Maybe I’m oversharing.
I don’t know.
But I’ll tell you this: my life and my family’s life changed dramatically for the better when I said enough to the b.s—surrounding me. I learned to take accountability for my choices, unapologetically prioritize my physical and mental health, protect my peace, and let go of all the people, thoughts, and things that were holding me back.
And if this resonates with you, I hope that what I experienced prompts you to start now so your 2023 can be just as transformative.
It’s only 12 months; imagine what you can do with it.
Related: The 12 Amazon Wellness Products that Made My Year Better
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What a joyful and inspiring post, thanks so much for sharing! Lots to think about as we head into 2023 but delighted to hear that this has been such a transformational year for you! <3
Such a beautiful generous post! Thank you for trusting us with your story of growth.
Wishing you and your family continued strength and peace.
This is so good. Not that you suffered, but that you are being vulnerable enough to share it all. I believe we are all there at one point in our lives. I turned 50 in May and subconsciously adopted the attitude of ‘what’s the point?’ (What’s the point of trying to get fit or lose weight or look nice or do my hair or journal or pray, etc. on and on.) What an abusive, neglectful attitude about myself! I’ve let go of everything I’ve prioritized as important. Something clicked yesterday and it was the first day I haven’t gorged on sweets or chips in three years. This post is definitely to be shared, even if it touches only one person (it has me!). I so admire your strength and perseverance and vulnerability. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve inspired me!
Thank you for sharing this, Megan. Bravo to you for having the epiphany to realize change was needed, and for doing the hard, slogging work to make those changes. Most of us need to take the time and have the courage to look hard at our lives and see what needs to change.
I love the wardrobe challenge because it makes me look at myself. It may seem like it’s just my appearance, but the process ends up going deeper. Letting go and getting rid of clothes and looks that no longer fit who I am gives me space and freedom to figure out who I am and what I need now. Wishing you and your family a positive and satisfying 2023!
Thank-you, Megan, for sharing. Everything you wrote (and I mean everything) struck a chord and it was like THIS! You put into words things I have been feeling but just could not put my finger on with what that inner voice has been trying to tell me. It is never too late to reinvent yourself as I am learning at almost 60. It is absolutely freeing. God Bless you and your lovely family. Have a wonderful holiday.
I love this and I commend you for your courage and fortitude. As a spiritual care coach I routinely burn things down (I love a good bonfire) and your story reminded me of a couple of things I’ve been holding onto that would make great kindling.
I wish you and your family continued hope, peace, and joy in 2023.
Love you, Meg. Don’t ever change your core: Brian and your girls are lucky to have you.
love, love, love.
thank you megan. 🙂
peace and love for 2023!
I thank you for your candor and I applaud your courage and your journey.You are an inspiration in so many ways and I will follow your advice and begin my own journey. I’m vowing to prioritize my painting and regain control of my eating and begin walking. Instagram: @nancyenard
This is just lovely.. thank you for sharing!
Oversharing? Not a chance!! I am in AWE of you. I really needed to hear your message. It seems I try to do all the things that are “expected” of me and take care of everyone except ME.
God’s Blessings to you and your family.
Megan, I could not love this more! 💕
Your articles have helped me much over the past year, cleaning, purging, rocking it! It’s like I absorbed some of your energy and drive and I feel 100% better, stronger and more “together than I did before. Keep going! You are an inspiration even if you didn’t know it! 😊
This! I needed to hear this.
I’m at the beginning of a similar journey, and like you, tackling things in steps and building and rebuilding as I go. One of the more recent steps I’ve taken is seeing a functional medicine doctor/practice. Learning about the interplay between nutrition, hormones, gut health, and sleep is so eye opening. I recommend it to everyone. Yes, it can be expensive (not covered by insurance), but I see it as an investment in my health. And if I don’t optimize my health, I’ll certainly be paying for it later in disease, medications and treatments, and I know which I’d rather spend money on.
I’m SO PROUD of you! Thank you for sharing a piece of your journey with us. ❤️
Jolly for you! Welcome to the other side and a journey worth all the tears.
The remarkable thing here is that you are discovering this path at a young age. Yes, young! I say congratulations and brava on your realization, courage and new clarity!
Thank you for your guidance. My closet and my wardrobe has benefitted (understated for brevity) from your work.
Blessings and Merry Christmas!
Thank you for sharing, Megan. I intend to share this with my daughter who is struggling in a similar way to you last year. The advice I try to give is better received from someone else. I know you’re not offering advice, but instead, are telling your story. Stories can be advice, too, just like fairy tales we were told as youngsters. Best wishes for a peaceul, happy holiday!
Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this today!! I’m exhausted from taking care of everyone else this year…time to focus on my health!
Thank you Meghan so much for sharing your story and for your honesty. Congratulations on all that your have accomplished! You have inspired me to think about finally doing something similar – I had not had the courage. I am turning 60 shortly, and it’s time.
Megan, thank you for sharing your journey; what a brave thing to do. 🙂 You certainly gave me food for thought! Bless you.
LOVE that you shared this. I too am on this journey! It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done except now I realize not doing it was harder. Best of luck on your journey to peace and healing!
Megan – Your post was so touching, and very timely as I am beginning a journey of improving my own self-care. I’d like to hear what inspiring podcasts you favor. I’ve seen searching for some myself. Thank you for sharing your personal insight and I wish you all the best for 2023.
Beautifully written, beautifully heartfelt. Thank you!!
You are wonderful, Meg and you have always been a wonderful help to women everywhere. Thank you for sharing this, your personal journey. It is inspirational. I’m glad that you are in a better place because, quite frankly, you deserve it. Onward and upward in 2023!
Thank you so much – this was exactly what I needed to read. Hope I can be as strong and brave as you have been x
Megan, to you I say BRAVO! Strong women raise other women up….each in their own unique ways. I am sure by sharing your personal journey you have no doubt been a catalyst to others and the jumpstart “someone” needs at this very moment in time. Since I am a mere 20 some years older than you, I will say this. Every season in ones life has challenges and when we do our best to embrace them, usually on the other side, we find we are stronger, happier, and more peaceful for doing so. Agree I say Bravo!