The Year I Burnt It to The Ground
Today’s conversation is the most personal thing I’ve shared in all my years talking to you. And maybe I’m nuts, I’m sure I am, but this is on my heart, and someone might benefit from it.
My husband jokingly refers to 2022 as “the year Meg burnt it to the ground.”
I think of it as the year I let go, but he’s right. I set things on fire this year to reset and reclaim my life.
So, as you start to think about the New Year, if you’re feeling the pull to make a radical change, let this note be the thing that moves you forward.
Consider this your sign.
Because this time last year, I was in a spiral, and today, I can say with all sincerity that I have never been happier or more at peace.
And, listen, I’m no expert.
I’m just a 43-year-old woman who woke up one day 12 months ago sick of everyone’s shit, including her own.
Related: The 12 Amazon Wellness Products that Made My Year Better
Only a few people know that for the last two years, my life was filled with tremendous personal turmoil.
I’m fine, and my husband and children are wonderful, happy, healthy, thank God.
But I spent 2021 utterly heartbroken.
I realized I couldn’t live in grief and bottled-up anger anymore when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on Christmas morning.
Was this the mom my girls were waking up to?
I guess I thought I was hiding the pain better, but there it was, all over my face, and I was done.
So, I committed to healing myself from the inside out as we started the new year.
Let me tell you; it’s everything they say it is: messy, at times lonely, and very humbling. But it’s also the best thing I ever did for myself.
I quickly learned that living in dysfunction is a lot easier than living in the process of removing yourself from it. Only when you’re out of the crazy do you understand just how crazy it was.
But I would do it all over again for what I gained, how I’ve grown, and how my life has improved.
When I say I did everything I could to feel better, I mean it.
I didn’t know where to start, so I began exercising regularly and eating well. That was the easiest step, which wasn’t easy at all.
I also limited drinking, started meditating, tried hot yoga, turned off the news, and listened to inspiring podcasts instead, where I tried to learn as much as I could about trauma healing and inner child work.
Then, I created a healthy morning and evening routine. I wrote in a gratitude journal, took all the vitamins, and drank all the green juice.
And because I take everything to the extreme, I bought crystals; I saged my house, found a spiritual healer, and started to have regular fire-cupping sessions.
Yes, you read that right. I told you I did everything. I threw the kitchen sink at it.
The hard part, the spiritual healing part, changing my inner dialog, learning painful lessons, and forgiving myself in the process is a challenge.
I’m still working on this, but I’m eons from where I started.
I didn’t do it all at once; instead, it was like serendipitous baby steps that took the entire year.
A walk turned into a run.
A friend mentioned a friend who had cupping done.
A yoga studio opened up down the street, and I tried it.
It wasn’t overwhelming; quite the opposite.
It was invigorating!
I just decided to say yes to whatever came my way. I can do anything once, I thought.
Whenever I saw my strength improve or woke up clear-minded, it felt like a tiny victory. I would hear myself say, look at you!
And that kept me willing and open to trying and adding more.
Don’t get me wrong; there were plenty of messy days. I cried a lot. I second-guessed myself.
Working out in your 40s is different from in your 30s. You’re constantly sore and tired; you have to wake up at an unholy hour, and it stinks.
Healing your soul is a whole other thing that takes a different toll. You need rest. You have to go to bed early or take a nap. You need to be gentle with yourself.
And this all led to evaluating my relationships and intentionally pulling away from people I probably should have walked away from years ago. I was as ruthless as I am with a pair of capris in your closet. Toss, toss, toss.
But by burning it all down, new sprigs of life started to pop up.
I finally had the strength to not only close the chapter on numerous unhealthy relationships but also to start to release my anger. Again, I’m not there, but I’m working on it.
And as I did, peace covered my home like a warm blanket, and all the drama disappeared.
Old and new friendships emerged as if by magic, and all my relationships, for the first time in my life, feel safe.
And what is incredible is that all the internal remodeling left space for me.
- For me to hear my voice and let it guide my thoughts and decisions.
- For me to understand the difference between my anxiety and my intuition.
- For me to consciously choose to be the woman, the mother, the wife, the daughter, and the friend I know I’m supposed to be.
- For me to build my business with integrity and make choices in alignment with my mission.
I regularly hear from women in our community who are also struggling. That might seem odd coming from a site about clothes and makeup. But our seemingly frivolous topics can catalyze bigger conversations around being a woman in this season of life.
Maybe this message inspires you to walk with your neighbor and get fresh air or call your doctor to check your hormones.
Maybe you start a gratitude journal or take that multivitamin sitting in your pantry.
Maybe I’m oversharing.
I don’t know.
But I’ll tell you this: my life and my family’s life changed dramatically for the better when I said enough to the b.s—surrounding me. I learned to take accountability for my choices, unapologetically prioritize my physical and mental health, protect my peace, and let go of all the people, thoughts, and things that were holding me back.
And if this resonates with you, I hope that what I experienced prompts you to start now so your 2023 can be just as transformative.
It’s only 12 months; imagine what you can do with it.
Related: The 12 Amazon Wellness Products that Made My Year Better
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THANK YOU for sharing this – I will likely re-read it several times over the next few weeks.
I’ve really struggled since 2020 (when my daughter was born) of how to manage a household, a career, and yet still find time for me in the midst of all the chaos. I literally had the same thought of throwing it all away yesterday because I feel so much guilt for prioritizing myself, but deep down I know that if I don’t take care of myself, not only will no one else but my family and friends who love me will suffer as a result.
I needed this reminder so much today, and thank you for being courageous and sharing with us. Congratulations on your journey in 2022 and best wishes for continued success in 2023!
Thank you for sharing!!! Great for you and instead of thinking about “changing it all” I love how it was one tiny step at a time. As always your posts are more than fashion and beauty (which is wonderful) and I love you for both! Going to start planning my own burn it to the ground xo
Dear Megan,
I’d like to thank you for this exceptional Post. Your reflection is so honest. Your words touch so many that are afraid to look in the mirror. Some of us can’t see the sign, and appreciate the fact that it has to be noticed.
I really appreciate your regular attention to women “ of a certain age”. We are mostly invisible to all forms of marketing. Unfortunately, clothing and make up have not been considered for the needs of a hip aging woman. Until now. You have successfully given us a place for advice and vision. I sincerely thank you. Kimberly von B
God bless you, I am so glad you shared and totally understand. It took me turning 59 to say enough was enough I am not going into my 60’s like this! The work is hard and painful but the freedom that comes from it is worth every early morning, painful muscle and all the tears. Take care as you journey on your path. Thank you for all you do to encourage and help us all!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I need to do this too. I began the process in 2022 but am not as far along as you. It helps to know I am not alone. If you are open to sharing the podcasts you listened to for healing, I am interested. If not, that’s okay too. Thanks so much!
You never cease to amaze me, I’ve read this piece twice this morning. Thank you.
Dear Meg,
Thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable with us, your readers. I have been following you for years and your content has been invaluable. Your post today reminds me that we all have the ability to take our “lives”and make changes, take baby steps, get healthy, mentally & physically.
I think I’ll start today.
Wishing you & your loved ones all the joy & light the holidays can hold.
LIsa
Thank you for this!
Lots of food for thought that we could all use!
Thank you so much for sharing! I had major change forced on me 10 years ago – and I embraced it. Moved 1000 miles away to a city where I knew no one, and dug in. Now I’m looking forward to getting married to a wonderful, moral, intelligent, curious, funny guy who my kids love and whose kids at least like me 😉. We are 69. Rejuvenation can happen at any age!
Have a blessed, fabulous Christmas with your beautiful family..I look forward to your posts next year
💕
THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY!!! You are courageous and I applaud you. I started a similar journey in late 2021. Made some remarkable progress in different areas of my life. You’ve inspired me to refocus and complete the other work that needs to be done. Half finished is no longer good enough!
You are awesome!
This is very helpful to me. Sometimes it’s hard for women to create emotional boundaries due to guilt or rejection. But taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. I’m glad you pointed out how it can be exhausting work. My therapist told me I need to rest more. You gave me great ideas to help me on my self care journey. Thank you for sharing.
Megan, thank you for being vulnerable. We all have to do inner healing work and own our bodies and minds. It is hard work. Thank you for showing us how to find a path forward.
Thanks for the Pep Talk. At 72 years old, I am with you. It took me many years to take the steps you have made. This year has been tough with cancers, and other disabilities. That is how life works. You have to make peace with what you can’t change and work like crazy to change what you can!
Megan, thank you so much for sharing and opening this part of you up to all of us. I am also undergoing a transformation – in June, at the age of 56, I was diagnosed with ADHD and suddenly my whole life makes sense. Traits I have always interpreted as a character flaw or personal failure I now see as a result of the unique way that my brain works. I have felt shamed for my entire life over my messiness and disorganization, and always wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t manage to stay consistent with any new habits I tried to adopt. My husband and I have been married for 33 years and for most of those years, there has been tension, arguments and hurt feelings over the state of the house, my impulse spending, and my lack of follow through. I tried everything I could think of and any method I saw online. I pulled everything out to Marie Kondo it, then got distracted and lived with a HUGE pile of stuff in the guest room for months. I set all my bills on autopay, but set up the water bill for a set amount and forgot to check the bill each time to make sure my set amount covered it. One month we had an extra large bill, and when the payment didn’t cover it, our water got turned off. When my husband called the water company, they said “we sent notices to your house”, which we found two weeks later in a pile of unopened mail. My husband has this elaborate budget set up on a spreadsheet, but every time he wants to sit down and go through it, my eyes glaze over within 30 seconds because it is so overwhelming to my brain. When I was first diagnosed, I went through a grieving process, thinking “how much better could our marriage have been if we had only known?”. Now, I am focused on thinking how much better the next 30 years can be now that I know how my brain works and am figuring out tricks that work FOR ME!
I so hear you. I am embarking on some very unexpected life changes at this time. It’s scary and exhilarating at the same time. Thank you for sharing! It’s empowering to find out others feel the same way as me.
Thank you for sharing such an inspiring post. This totally resonates with me and I have been floundering over the past year with major changes in my life and feeling blah! about me. I have been contemplating needing a change FOR me. I tend to begin and not follow through and your post inspires me! Hopefully 2023 will be my greatest year of personal change and gain! Thank you💗
Beautiful share! Thank you!
Very helpful post. Thanks for sharing. Could share the podcasts that helped you the most? Thanks in advance. 🙂
Wonderful post, not over-shared, but very helpful. Can you tell us more about the spiritual healing part, inner dialogue, and working on anger? In that place!! Would love some more information as a guide for myself…
I loved reading this post today! Thank you for sharing…I think what you have been going through before this year, is an example of “everywoman”. It’s a tough time to be a woman. Maybe it always has been. But the more we share our inner most experiences I think the more it empowers other women to do the same. We all need to speak up and share with each other “how it is” so that other women know they are not the only ones feeling and experiencing craziness, chaos and unhappiness. By sharing, we share the load and the solution.
I’m 63 but in my mind I’m still 33 and I love your style and all that you offer here but this was just the icing on the cake for me today. I applaud your efforts to move forward from trauma. That is amazing work. I’ve had my own share of childhood trauma and abuse to overcome and then the culture that women are raised in to be what others need that I had to overcome. Keep up the great work.
Love, Dawn
Megan, I am right with you! My husband died 6/1/2016 of Parkinson’s Lewy Body Dementia. I was his full time caregiver. It sucked the life out of me. I consider myself so lucky that he only really suffered with this for about 3 years. Your website taught me how to dress myself again. Even though it’s been 6 years, I am still healing, still finding myself. It’s a process. I laughed when you talked about throwing everything at your problems, sounds just like me. Leaves no stone unturned. I look forward to your future posts. You always teach me something!
Hi, I am 33 and your story resonates with me SO MUCH.
2020 was the start of my personal transformation. It started with being laid off from my job, and “ended” (its never really over..) with me and my husband moving across state lines, finding our dream location, buying a house, and… having our first child.
Im so so so thankful I started to see myself as an investment and worthy of my own time before I had my daughter in Feb of this year. Motherhood has rocked my world, both positively and negatively, while I learn to navigate new paths for me and my family.
We are all on this journey to find what works for us, and I like your mindset of “I can try anything once.” Im looking forward to what 2023 has instore for us.
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I am 66 years old and have lived through plenty of dysfunction and sadness, and I agree that the hard work we slog through to get through is so worth it.
May you and your beautiful family enjoy a very Merry Christmas and a New Year filled with blessings!
Bravo Meg, bravo